Welcome Back, My Ungrammatical Students
Mark Goldblatt’s op-ed, “Welcome
Back, My Ungrammatical Students,” negatively
singles out those who don’t know how to put sentences together in ways that
clarify, rather than cloud, what they’re trying to say.
Mr. Goldblatt teaches English at State University of New York’s Fashion Institute of Technology. Set off in bold type is this jolting line:
“Sure, grammar might not seem like a big deal if you're composing a text
message, or updating your Facebook status, or tweeting about what you've just
had for lunch. Your reader, in such cases, is someone who wants to know what's
on your mind, who has an emotional stake in the information . . . who likes
you. Your college professors may or may not like you. Unlike your friends, who
will excuse your errors, your college professor may or may not like you.”
Goldblatt, in his very first line, leaps into the heart of the matter:
“The fall is mere weeks away, another college semester either under way or soon
to be. If you’re one of thousands of freshmen nationwide, you’ve just
discovered you’ve been placed in a remedial English class.
Needless to say, Goldblatt postulates that it does matter whether or not a student uses correct English.
Goldblatt, in referencing “grammar,” does so in these words: “to refer to the overall mechanics of your writing, including punctuation, syntax and usage.” And he negatively singles out those who don’t know how to put sentences together in ways that clarify, rather than cloud, what they’re trying to say.
The inability to write or speak correctly is not likely to hurt you too much among your peers and friends. Not in the short-term, that is. And especially not if you are charismatic, cover-girl-beautiful, or a candidate for sexiest man alive.
If you’re perceived to be one of these golden ones who seemingly can do
no wrong, you’ll suffer little more than winces from such disasters as “me and
Joanie were like, wild about like see’n Tony.” But, in life, there are such
things as fuses.
When one’s proverbial “fifteen minutes of fame” are over, and the long descent takes place; when you are no longer drop-dead beautiful or head-turning handsome, what then? You may have been hired because your looks and contours were impossible to ignore, but inevitably there will come a day when your looks can no longer make up for your embarrassing mistakes in writing and speaking.
When one more mangled syntax, misspelled word, or misplaced punctuation mark costs the firm one of its most valued clients—and out you go.
Goldblatt closes his article with: “So take your medicine. It won't be fun, but you need it. Learn what a clause is, what a gerund is, what a misplaced modifier is—because your father did not shoot an elephant in his pajamas. If you're going to stew over your workload, fine. But cast the blame where it belongs. You should have learned this stuff a long time ago, maybe instead of writing a few of those ungrammatical stories or poems.
